The belief that you should do something flawlessly or not at all is erroneous, unrealistic, and counter-productive. Despite
the fact that television and magazines are full of recommendations to
be positive, have confidence, and hope for better times, perfectionism
and the resulting discouragement are rampant in contemporary society,
possibly more than in any previous era of humanity.
The mirage of perfection
Perfectionism
is a dangerous fantasy to be avoided at all costs. Already in the year
326 BC, Aristotle observed that a balanced life perspective is a
prerequisite for attaining happiness. Unfortunately, the philosopher's voice has been long forgotten. As a result, millions of men and women are suffering from anxiety and depression.
In order to overcome
adversity, man needs a rational response. Expecting flawless performance
every time leads to obsessive behaviour, excessive preoccupation, and
nihilism. None of those approaches work. None of them has ever improved
anything.
Obsessive behaviour and excessive preoccupation will
narrow your ambitions to the minimum and push you to waste hours on
meaningless details. Nihilism, on the other hand, will deprive your life
of direction, replacing ambition with neglect, and drive with
dereliction. Under this philosophy, your vision will be reduced to
perceiving, from everything, the worst. Convictions will turn into
derision. Purpose will be wiped out by random decisions.
The rational approach
The
rational approach to dealing with personal difficulties begins with
discarding perfectionism. Errors are normal events in human action and
you are unique in your genetic characteristics and personal
circumstances. When things don't work out as expected, do not compare
yourself with other people or with unrealistic standards of achievement.
Such irrational comparisons bring nothing but misery.
Let go of
chimerical expectations and make the best of your situation. Look for
practical solutions. Assess different alternatives. Make a workable plan
and implement it. In any case, you should abandon perfectionism right
now, since its drawbacks dwarf its negligible advantages.
The wise alternative
Focused
long-term action enables man to surmount major obstacles. Do no waste
time with lamentations and wishful thinking. Keep on advancing on your
chosen path and do not look back on past mistakes, except for drawing
lessons for the future.
If you look around, you will find plenty
of examples of people who have succeeded despite overwhelming burdens.
Throw away expectations of immediate and flawless achievement. Maintain
your serenity and trust the principle of cause and effect. Although life
offers no guarantee of success, intelligent persistence has repeatedly
proven to work. Can you extract some gain from each mistake? Time will
wash away embarrassment and pain, but the teachings will remain.
The
opposite of perfectionism is tolerance, the virtue of eliminating
irrational demands and accepting a blemished reality. Tolerance brings
openness and flexibility. Instead of expecting perfection, a wise man
takes continuous steps to improve his results. When he is sailing, he
watches the weather without getting angry at the changing wind because
he knows that he can correct the course of his ship as often as he
needs.
A good mental exercise against perfectionism is to imagine
what you will do if your current projects fail catastrophically. How
would you feel if, after working on a major sale for three months, the
transaction fails to take place at the last minute due to a factor that
you had not foreseen?
The rational response
The irrational response would be to fall
into depression and self-recrimination. A more realistic and practical
approach would lead to accept that your expectations may have been
exaggerated in the first place. What will be the lesson for the future? A
deal should be considered closed only when a contract has been signed.
Don't
stop pushing before you cross the end-line, but at the same time,
strive to maintain your serenity. Do not rely on half-cooked plans and
always have a back-up solution. Do things fast and check them long. Take
reasonable precautions, but leave perfectionism to the obsessed.
Preventive
action helps minimize preoccupation and might save you a fortune down
the road. Spread your bets, whether private or professional, and never
place all your hopes on a single event that might or might not happen.
Do
work in an organized and persistent manner, but at a certain point,
stop worrying about results. Sometimes, things just don't work. Pushing
beyond reasonable limits only makes bad situations worse.
What to do next
All
resources are limited, including your emotional resources. Set clear
priorities and do not overextend yourself. Write down your plans, as
well as your alternatives in case of failure. Buy insurance against
major risks instead of trusting your luck. A flawless world does not
exist. Sooner or later, bad things happen.
Learn to judge events
and people sensibly, and do not overreact to problems. The search for
perfection is a delusion that wastes energy and obscures facts. Most
things do not matter much in the long term. Rationality, although seldom
easy, is the only practical response to adversity.
Abandon
unrealistic expectations, and adopt a tolerant view of people and events.
Strive to see things as they are, unpolluted by false ideals, and your
self-confidence will increase. Perfectionism does not work because it
ignores the crucial role that patience and persistence play in
achievement.
All learning begins with openness and curiosity.
Rigid expectations of impossible success prevent self-knowledge, and lead
to anxiety. Focus on your strengths, not on what other people are
doing. Define what is important for you without using statistics as
guidance. Your values will tell you where to concentrate your resources.
Mistakes
come in all sorts and colours. Learn to view them as stepping-stones
leading you to a higher plateau. Accept errors and use them to your
advantage. If you go with the flow, there is no limit how far you can
row. Abandon perfectionism right now.
Text: http://johnvespasian.blogspot.com
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