Tuesday, 17 October 2017

How to develop a sound psychological armour: Two techniques for increasing your mental resilience

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When you are out there looking for the right person to share your life with, you should remind yourself that maintaining your balance and self-esteem is going to put you ahead of the game. "A wise man should not fear losing anything in life as long as he is able to preserve his peace of mind," taught the Roman philosopher Epictetus.

When it comes to dating, each of us can easily make a list of unpleasant situations that we would rather avoid in order to keep our tranquillity. For instance, most men and women would consider themselves happier if they could avoid dealing with nasty people altogether. The same preference applies to averting unwanted criticism. Last but not least, wouldn't your days be easier if you never had to comply with silly social conventions?

The crucial element in successful dating is rational persistence. The question is how you can sustain your motivation long enough to achieve your romantic goals. Indeed, looking for a soul mate would be less complicated if you could keep all those inconveniences away, but let's face it, the world is not going to turn into paradise tomorrow morning.

Minimize your annoyance 

Negative personal interactions are particularly aggravating during dating, since romance seekers who invest themselves heavily in their search are often going to put their egos in the line of fire.

The good news is that you can minimize your dating annoyances if you grow a thick skin, that is, if you become more philosophical about life. Learn to enhance your psychological resilience, and the knowledge will serve you well for the rest of your life. The techniques are not difficult, and you can learn them on your own. During your dating adventures, you will have ample opportunity to test the validity of these techniques.

One can only wonder why mental resilience is rarely taught at school. Every elephant in the savannah knows the importance of growing a thick skin for protection against weather inclemencies, viruses, and infections. In the same way, human beings need to develop a sound psychological armour against the inevitable frictions of life.

As Epictetus observed, "some men find joy in fishing and others in hunting, but there is no greater pleasure than living your days with serenity."

Two useful techniques

Which techniques can you use to build yourself a psychological protection layer as thick as elephant skin? In the case of dating, my choice of methods would go towards cultivating deliberate slowness and purposeful indifference. Let us see how these two techniques work.

When you meet new people with romantic purposes in mind, some of your new acquaintances will be great, others will leave you cold, and a few will personify everything that you dislike in a human being. If you are attending a formal social event or have been invited for dinner by friends, you might not wish to leave right way, but on the other side, you really don't want to spend all evening in conversation with obnoxious strangers.

In those cases, adopting a strategy of deliberate slowness can work wonders. By the way, this is an approach that you can take to defuse many exacerbating social situations. Deliberate slowness is the ideal defence mechanism on those occasions when someone is verbally distressing you or bothering you at a party.

Should you find yourself in that situation, the perfect way to play is to remain calm. Instead of arguing and reacting with indignation, you can pretend that your brain needs hours to absorb the simplest information, and just stall. Very often, people will succumb to their own impatience, rate you as a hopeless bore, and leave you in peace.

The second technique, purposeful indifference, requires longer practice, but its field of application is much wider. Occasionally, during the dating process, you won't be able to escape nasty, unfair criticism either from friends, family or strangers. Don't let them ruin your day. Remember that it is great that people are free to express their opinions even if they don't know what they are talking about.

Put on your poker face, say that you take note of their comments, and move on. As soon as you are away from the scene, shrug your shoulders and don't let anxiety take control of your mind. Reserve your energies for the next date, where you might meet someone who is right for you.

Looking for a soul mate is difficult enough. Do not allow yourself to be affected by nonsensical remarks from other people. Take advantage of your dating experiences to develop a thick skin. In addition to facilitating your search for love, you will be acquiring an invaluable asset.

Text: http://johnvespasian.blogspot.com

Image: photograph of classical painting; photo taken by John Vespasian, 2017.


For more information about rational living, I refer you to my books
 

 
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Monday, 2 October 2017

Six situations where you should gladly overpay

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Frugality enables a better life by allowing you to choose. Instead of spending your resources on everyday consumption, you can decide when it is opportune to make extra expenditures. Normality seldom justifies extra expense, but sooner or later, everybody faces a difficult period that demands extraordinary exertions.

If you acquire sensible financial habits, you will be able to accumulate savings to cushion adversity and misfortune. However, a judicious management of your resources should not entail counter-productive economies. What you want is to apply your financial reserves to those areas where they are most needed.

In general terms, there are six situations where you should gladly overpay, namely, to acquire long-term assets that generate revenue, to solve serious health problems, to correct critical mistakes, to protect yourself and your possessions, to learn new skills at great speed, and to obtain performance guarantees. Let us review these points one by one.

First, acquiring long-term assets that generate revenue. The principle applies equally to real estate, company shares, or annuities. Choose high quality even if you have to pay more. In the long-term, prime properties will earn you more money and spare you preoccupations.

When buying a house, be willing to increase your budget in exchange for a better location. When investing in the stock market, select shares of well-managed companies with a long history of profitable operations. In those cases, you will eventually be glad that you agreed to pay more initially.

Second, solving serious health problems. Any doctor can help you cure a common cold. You do not need to pay extra money to address a minor sickness whose treatment offers little difficulty. On the other hand, if you are severely ill, you should be willing to spend as much as necessary to recover your health.

If your insurance does not cover a vital treatment, figure out how you can pay for it yourself. If necessary, liquidate your investments and sell your house. Even if you have to cross the ocean, you should go to see the best doctors. The purpose of frugality in trivial purchases is to allow you to overspend when the need arises.

Third, correcting critical mistakes. If you are in business or professional practice, a time might come when you will commit an important error. Those who take initiative inevitably make mistakes, since those constitute an essential ingredient of success.

Having committed a serious error represents the type of situation for which you want to keep sufficient financial reserves. Acknowledge the problem and find out how you can fix it. Be willing to overpay for a quick solution that puts an end to the story. That will be money well spent. Learn your lesson and move on to the next project.

Fourth, protecting yourself and your possessions. The principle applies to physical and digital protection. For instance, if your house is located in an isolated area, you should invest in a state-of-the-art security system. If you are going to place your savings on a bank account, you should select a financial institution that offers a high level of internet security.

Do not assume that someone else has your protection as first priority. If you can benefit from security provided by third parties, be thankful for it, but stay alert nonetheless. Saving money in the field of personal protection can be counter-productive. If necessary, be ready to overpay in this area.

Fifth, accelerated learning of new skills. Specialized expertise is expensive, in particular if you need to acquire it quickly. However, if you have the possibility to get your dream job on the condition that you learn a new language, you should be willing to invest a good part of your savings in accelerated learning.

Ideally, you should try to take your time for difficult learning projects, so that you can figure out an inexpensive way to carry them out. Nevertheless, sometimes you'll have no choice. Chances come and go, often requiring immediate action. If the opportunity is worth it, you should view your learning cost as an investment.

Sixth, obtaining performance guarantees. If you have never experienced the inconvenience of repairs on a big-ticket item like a car or a refrigerator, your might not be aware of the immense value of warranties and performance guarantees. The cost of spare parts and manpower to fix a problem can be staggering.

Quality manufacturers tend to offer longer warranties for their products. Do not hesitate to pay more if you can benefit of extended coverage for your new vehicle or washing machine. In the long term, those warranties may save you substantial sums, let alone headaches.

Remain unwavering in your commitment to save money on unimportant purchases. Overpaying for everyday merchandise is unnecessary and wasteful. Instead, devote your savings to investing in your future and attaining peace of mind.

Critical problems demand swift reactions. Those are the kind of situations that justify paying more in exchange of quick service or extraordinary expertise. A discerning man knows how to separate normal purchases from pressing needs. Reduce your expenses on the former and build your financial strength to deal successfully with the latter.

Text: http://johnvespasian.blogspot.com

Image: photograph of classical building; photo taken by John Vespasian, 2017.


For more information about rational living, I refer you to my books
 

 
Free subscription to The John Vespasian Letter